Greek Mythology–Lesson Two

By Grishtha Arya

Sorry for taking so long. The last post did not go well with certain entities. After suffering through some rightful wrath and words being said, I am back. To begin with, I would like to apologise to the great gods of Greece. In particular, Mother Gaia. I am sorry (for being the chump who forgot to use brackets since the gods can’t read them).

Let’s get back to it, shall we? We left Lesson One with the little titbit about how Titans came by their name. To recap, Ouranos named twelve of his kids Titans, which means ‘stretchers’ or ‘strained.’ And he had a very good reason for doing that.

So, Gaia, who is the holy mother, the great, the benevolent (not), was sick of her baby daddy hiding all the terrific kids in the dark pits deep inside her—places she couldn’t reach. Like the spot on your back that constantly itches. Thus, unsurprisingly, Gaia was not a happy duck. Not only was her consort/baby daddy a bum who was all about the loving and none about the responsibility, but he also gave her gas. I can’t imagine the agony (because I make better choices in life).  

The ever-wise Gaia decided to have a calm, rational conversation with her partner to resolve their issues. Or so she hoped. However, Ouranos refused to listen, and couple counselling wasn’t a thing back then (Don’t tell me you bought that). Tired of his cruelty, she devised a rescue plan (a.k.a deranged scheme) which included creating a sickle out of an element she made herself. This sickle came to be known as Kronos’s Scythe. It looks like the Grim Reaper’s axe, or more specifically, his axe resembles Kronos’s Scythe.

She went to her kids, the Titans, and told them her entire sob story. She asked them to help her take care of their father, who was an evil piece of work. Crucial reminder that Gaia was Ouranos’s mother. So basically, she was asking her children, who were also her grandchildren, to kill their father, who was also their brother (Have a headache yet?). None of the Titans came forward, being rightfully scared of their (psychotic) parents, except one: Kronos of crooked counsel. He promised to avenge his mother as he did not give one nymph about his father. Thus, the trap was set.

She hid him with the sickle in her room. Later that night, when daddy dearest came home ‘excited’ to get lucky, Kronos reached out and castrated his father. He quickly threw the bits and pieces away, which landed in the sea. The blood that spurted out of the wound was absorbed by Gaia, and as a result, she bore the Erinyes, Giants, and Ash Tree Nymphs. Even the discarded parts led to the birth of a goddess, Aphrodite. We’ll get into that later. Whether he liked his kids or not, Ouranos never wasted his essence.

This trickery is the reason Ouranos named his offspring Titans. For they stretched and strained to fuck him over. He swore they would pay for it. While he was nursing his wounds, his children were busy setting themselves as the new main deities and having some fun. All of them mated with a bunch of other people or each other and had lots of offspring. LOTS OF THEM (And humans are blamed for over-population).

Rheia, as mentioned in the poem Theogony, was ‘subdued’ by Kronos (because consent is for humans, not Greek gods). She gave birth to what we call the original Olympians. However, Kronos was not a happy father. He had learned from his unhinged parents—one of which he crossed—that he would be overthrown by his son. You’d think he would have decided to raise his kids with love and respect. Be a good role model (Don’t be naïve).

Instead, he swallowed them. Yes, he just gulped them down as soon as they were born. All six of his children. The three goddesses, Hestia, Demeter, and Hera, as well as his three sons Hades, Poseidon, and Zeus.

Or so he thought.

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